After college graduation in 2008, I quickly found a counselor in the new city where I was living. To sum it up, I had a lot of serious mother issues, I was severely depressed and I was in a tumultuous romantic relationship. During session #2 with my counselor, he recommended I read Understanding the Borderline Mother by Christine Ann Lawson. After our session ended, I drove directly to the bookstore and purchased the book.
Understanding the Borderline Mother was a life-changer for me. Every page, every chapter was my life. Every. The beliefs I had about myself, the way my mother treated me growing up, her words and actions and distance and smothering, my moods, her moods, how I lived each day of my life, how I treated people, how I managed my relationships -- it all made sense. Finally, it all made sense. This book was also a mirror and I realized I had been perpetuating what I desperately needed to escape.
The big ah-ha I discovered from reading this book was I deserved love and kindness unconditionally. I was the child and she was the parent. And I will forever be the child and she will forever be the parent. That is our relationship, then and now and tomorrow.
I feverishly read the book in its entirety and then sought out more books about the mother-daughter dynamic. I began journaling as I read each of these books and soon my mountain of childhood memories were attached to a lot of great insights gained from my reading. Writing about my journey was and has been very cathartic. But it soon became more -- an obligation for me to share my story for other daughters with emotionally absent, borderline and narcissistic mothers in hopes of helping them discover their own ah-ha moment which sets their path to healing.
Through books, counseling and medication, my emotional and mental health has fluctuated as my inner child has fought to heal. I am still very deep in my daughter journey. To daughters on their own journey toward healing from borderline, narcissistic and emotionally absent mothers, I hope this blog provides relief and connection knowing you are not alone. I'd love to read your comments on your thoughts and any connection you feel to my writing.
The only thing I ask of you is this: Come as you are. Take what you need. Wherever you are, this is a space where you are free to just be.
Love and joy to you,
Kristin
Recommended reading with links to posts about my revelations
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? by Dr. Karyl McBride
Narcissist vs Borderline
Surviving a Borderline Parent by Kimberlee Roth and Freda B. Friedman, PH.D., LCSW
Symptoms of BPD
Another Borderline Book
Quickie: Adult Children of Parents with BPD
May God Have Mercy on Your Soul
#7 and #8
The Emotionally Absent Mother by Jasmin Lee Cori
New Understanding: The Years Between the Lines
Bit By Bloody Bit
Healing Your Emotional Self by Beverly Engel
Symptoms of BPD
Another Borderline Book
Quickie: Adult Children of Parents with BPD
May God Have Mercy on Your Soul
#7 and #8
The Emotionally Absent Mother by Jasmin Lee Cori
New Understanding: The Years Between the Lines
Bit By Bloody Bit
Healing Your Emotional Self by Beverly Engel
The 7 Types of Negative Parental Mirrors
Revisiting the Past for a Better Future
Creating a Nurturing Voice Within
A Frenchman and a Child
The Inner Critic
Emotional Justice
Revisiting the Past for a Better Future
Creating a Nurturing Voice Within
A Frenchman and a Child
The Inner Critic
Emotional Justice
Facts about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
- BPD is officially diagnosed in early adulthood but may be diagnosed in adolescence
- It affects approximately 2% of the population, 75% of whom are women
- 70%-90% of people with BPD repeatedly make suicidal gestures
- 8%-10% complete suicide
- Daily functioning is as low as for people with schizophrenia
