I just woke up and looked at the clock to see it read 1:15 in the morning. Didn't I wake up at this time last night, and the night before? With every night I wake up around this time, it's creating a habit in my body that says, "Wake up now!" Causing me to wake up, only to keep the cycle going.
No more adderall, so that is a plus. Instead I'm taking my anxiety medicine, because perhaps that's why I'm waking up. My mind is anxious for the day to come. Which makes sense, because these wheels of mine almost never stop moving. I've done everything from worry to contemplate to wonder to taking medicine. I've done all but pray.
Recently God has shown me his grace in interesting ways, so maybe this is His way of bringing me to him. After all, how many distractions are there at 1:15 in the morning. "No time to pray, Kristin. Let me wake you up when there is nothing you can do to solve your worries, because your problems are fast asleep."
One positive that has come of this narcolepsy is my creativity. I am writing and transforming my worries into words, into something tangible that I can erase or rewrite or use completely incorrect punctuation at my leisure.
So what's next for me? Sleep isn't in my cards, but God has a deck of His own. It's to Him I will look, to Him I will ask, "Why in the world am I waking up at 1:15 every morning?"