Tuesday, October 13, 2015

I miss God.

I feel so far from God these days. My choices to not worship, to not depend solely on His promises and love just pulls me farther and farther away from Him. I cuss like a sailor. I don't go to church. I gossip. I am a sinner, as we all are, but I'm a sinner without Jesus.

My soon-to-be husband is not a believer. This could contribute to my lack of seeking out God everyday, my lack of praising and living as He lived, living as He intended me to live. He called me to work with marine animals, and I work in the healthcare field (for people, not animals). I think of my dream to rehabilitate sea lions, whales, dolphins, so they can go back out into their natural habitat to live as God created them to live. My grandmother, shortly before she died said, "I thought you were going to go off and save the dolphins!" in response to my career explanation.

Am I ready to seek out this longing in my heart to change careers, to go back to school, to acquire more debt...will my husband accept this choice? I may have to clean poop from drains before I can even come into contact with a dolphin. Am I ready to clean pooh? 

I think the first step is God. Finding Him. Getting reacquainted. Knowing him more fully.

God, I miss you. Please help me find you again.

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