Monday, June 8, 2015

When You Need A Little Help

During my last doctor's appointment, I talked to my doctor about my weight gain. I've been emotionally and "bored" eating and I must lose weight. It looks like I could stand to lose a few pounds, when in reality I need to lose about 30. Thankfully I carry my weight well, but I'm unhappy and need some help. So he provided it.

I'm on a medicine that causes loss of appetite. This will help with the amount I eat, but not what I eat. And it certainly doesn't replace the nees for exercise. It's just a little "boost" to help get me going.

The only noticeable change is that nothing sounds appetizing. I'm a little hungry, but can't decide what I want, and when I do eat, a lot of the times the food isn't satisfying. But I also feel guilty when I eat. Unless it's an apple, seriously an apple, the guilt surfaces and the voices start. "I shouldn't eat at all because I'm overweight." "Just lose weight by not eating." "You don't deserve, nor do you.need the calories."

I am thinking about my weight all the time. None of my clothes fit so the tightness in all of my work clothes is a constant reminder of my weight. I look in the mirror and feel gross. I want to stay indoors because I feel like people notice I'm pudgy. I need a little help, and my doctor prescribed me some.

To add to the stress is the fact that I have no choice whether or not I lose weight. I have a wedding dress to fit into, and at this point in time, it doesn't come close to fitting. I absolutely cannot and will not be this weight on my wedding day. I would feel unattractive and guilty for not having lost the weight.

Tomorrow is a new day and a new week. If I hit the gym hard and cut back on my calories, I think I can lose 4 pounds. You always lose a lot in the beginning. If I can lose 4 pounds, I'll be in the next lower weight class which will lift my spirits.

Hopefully in 7 days I'll be reporting this significant weight loss. Until then, I need some help from above. Help to stop beating myself up over how I look. My beauty lies within, no matter what the scale says. This I must remember.

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