Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Selfish love, but love nonetheless.

A friend, a good friend, who talked with me during mock cigarette breaks at my first job straight out of college after my engagement to my college love went to shit, is having open-heart surgery next Wednesday. The selfish part is me texting her the moment I found out (thank you, effing Facebook) and telling her that I wanted to be there, for her and her husband, to pray and help in any way I could, and more importantly, just BE there.

She said her pastor and his family will be there with her husband. But I want to be there. Knowing her, and sharing life with her is a highlight of my life.
“Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.”  Dr. Joyce Brothers (1928)
Another reality smack in the face reminding me that life is so, very temporary. You are here one day and gone tomorrow, on the operating table or the pavement after a car crash or a victim of a violent robbery or home invasion that would never happen to someone like you.

We have to be here for something. Something more than birth and pain and death. Right now, for me, it's laying in bed sobbing for the lack of control, the lack of understanding God's mystery which holds the life of a brilliant soul in His hands.

I feel selfish. I want to be there for her any way I can. But I don't want to take her place. I can't take her place. It's not in me. Her closing text tonight was, "God has given me peace about it all."

How can she do this? How can you do this, Friend? Fight. Refuse retreat. Push peace away. Stay here for me. For this world.

This is selfish love. But it's love and God says the greatest of all is love. So I'll love my friend, my rescuer, while You hold her next breath at Your discretion.

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