Friday, October 7, 2011

Labor Pains

I am at a crossroads.  I am working to heal, but I need to be honest with myself.  And if I'm being honest by journaling, and journaling through this blog, then my honesty will no doubt extend to you.  Am I ready for that?

The healing capacity of journaling lies in expressing all of your emotions that are shameful, painful, etc.  The journal is all-accepting; no need to fear rejection for what is shared.  "The journal holds them without judgement," says Jasmin Lee Cori in The Emotionally Absent Mother.  Will I be able to open up completely and let out 29 years of pain through my blog?  What will you think?  Will I ever not care what you think? 

I've made a compromise.  I will keep a handwritten journal and post my healing experiences from my private writings.  I have a past that I am terribly ashamed of, a past that brings on bad karma and imprisonment.  Slowly as I heal, perhaps I will share some of these experiences that have affected my life.  Even if I don't give you specifics, my blog will certainly document my journey of healing, which is the purpose behind my starting this blog. 

I believe it's more important to share the details of my healing rather than the details for which I am working to heal.  My handwritten journal will include the nitty-gritty; my public blog will document the hope and hardship, the pain and peace, of which healing is born.

Let the birthing begin.

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