Thursday, September 22, 2011

What's In a Room?

More importantly, what's in my room?

I'm laying in bed, yes at 7:30pm, looking around my room.  Looking at the mess.  Scrunching my nose at the trash I need to take out. Wondering why all of the new clothes I got for my birthday are still in piles on my floor.  And a thought dawns on me.  My room is me.  Rather, I should say, my room is an expression of me.  Let me explain.

My room is terribly cluttered.  Some of it's junk that I can't bear to get rid of.  Some of it's new stuff that I longed to have, that I finally received, and that I tossed aside with the rest of my junk.  Dirty clothes with clean clothes.  Trash with important papers.  Desk and drawers and a nightstand with space to fill.  A calming, fragrant candle with an untouched wick. This is my room.

My mind is overwhelmed with regrets, doubts, fears.  Painful memories and experiences of my childhood, those which shaped me and are the source of my regrets, doubts, and fears, envelop me, weaken me, follow me wherever I go.  I've learned some tools along the way, but I just can't seem to get rid of some of my nasty baggage.  Who am I kidding?  All of my nasty baggage.  

My tools and hopes get pushed to the side, mixing in with the old and the bad and the sad.  I have made some progress and a few friends, but more often than not, I disregard this light in my life and prefer the darkness. My counselor, God, the good family members who care...they are here, ready, reaching out.  But like my tools and hopes, they get packed with my baggage and I can't tell what I need and what needs to be thrown out.  This is me.

2 comments:

  1. Kristin, I see you're an avid reader!

    I have two other books that I would highly recommend. The first is "Sink Reflections" written by Flylady (Marla Cilley) and is a wonderful book that practically addresses clutter in a way that is not overwhelming. There's even a Facebook page for Flylady.

    The second is 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It's a wonderful book about practicing the discipline of gratitude, written by someone who struggles with agoraphobia. Powerful!

    And welcome to The High Calling!

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  2. I was looking into de-cluttering and organizing several months back and came across the Flylady web site. I will definitely look into her book (and perhaps read through her site again).

    I've enjoyed the posts I've read on The High Calling and look forward to contributing.

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