Wednesday, September 7, 2011

(In)Security

I go back and forth about this blog and the lack of security it provides.  What if someone I work with comes across it?  What if an ex-lover or friend from long ago reads it?  What will people think?  I could have remained completely anonymous and posted whatever in the world I wanted, without fear of rejection or ridicule.  But I chose otherwise.

I chose to be authentic in who I am, what my name is, and to some extent where I am living and what I am doing.  I didn't want to be anonymous.  I wanted to be me.  I didn't want to hide anymore.  I don't want to hide anymore.  I want my pain to have a purpose.  And so, I began writing this blog in January 2010, not really sure where it would take me.  Today, I believe my blog is my ministry...at least some part, maybe the beginning, of what God has in mind for me. 

Maybe the lack of security is my security.  Maybe I find comfort in telling the world who I am, in finally for the first time in my life, being okay with myself, with all of myself -- all of my failures and accomplishments, mistakes and giant leaps forward.  I don't want to anonymously rant and rave and try to find my truth while hiding behind a computer.  I am Kristin, very much a work in progress, and I plan to document my journey, authentically and honestly, every step of the way.

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