Thursday, September 8, 2011

Changing the Course of My Day

After a long and fulfilling Labor Day weekend, I had a couple of blah days. Which of course freaked me out. I have such fear of my lows creaping back in. Those are miserable times and I just don't want them to return.

I had a terrible migraine all through last night that kept me tossing and turning and giving me anything but a restful night's sleep. I woke up this morning to suitcases still not unpacked, a cluttered bathroom, and a long day of work ahead of me. I started hearing those anxious voices - "You can't make it through the day. Why even bother getting up? You can't even keep your room cleaned, and you're supposed to go be a professional today?" My day had taken a turn for the worst all within a matter of seconds.

Coffee. Must drink coffee.

After making a (large) mug of coffee, I started texting my boyfriend about my work day. Then a weird thing happened. The long, unbearable work day ahead didn't seem so long and unbearable. Then something really weird happened. I texted, "A busy and exciting day!" Yes, with an exclamation point.

What about the voices? Once I started talking about my day ahead in my own words and not the words of the negative voices, I realized I was looking forward to my day. Yes, the day will be long. Yes, the day will be busy and maybe even at times stressful. But I can do this. And, I'm looking forward to doing this.

I'll be honest, maybe the caffeine had a little to do with my sudden burst of happiness...but maybe it didn't. Maybe I need to talk about my day the way I see it, and not the way anyone else (including Small Self) sees it. It's my day, afterall, and as long as I am breathing, God needs me alert and at peace and ready to tackle the day.

Here's to a good day...and maybe a little more coffee.

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