Monday, May 16, 2011

When Ordinary is Enough

Last week I missed two days of work and didn't get out of bed.  Today I worked 6 hours in the office, did cardio for one hour, showered, headed to my fam's for dinner, socialized and enjoyed the nice weather, and completed 3.5 more hours of work.

I don't get it.  I want every day to be like today.  What makes one day unbearable and the next day pretty damn great?

The thought of suicide comes to mind.  It's never the answer, and I truly believe that.  I finally truly believe it.  I had many bouts of terrible depression and ending it all was always in the back of my mind as an option.  It lingered in my mind last week.  I am unsure if the idea or thought or option, whatever you want to call it, will ever completely leave my mind and never return.  But today, today was a good day.  

And to have a day like today, when I've had so many awful, unexplainable painful days, gives me hope.  Not for anything in particular, not for any kind of extreme success or unending happiness...just hope that another day like today awaits me tomorrow.

Thank God for ordinary days.

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