Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Beyond a case of the "Mondays"

My last bout of depression lasted 2 days - Monday and Tuesday.  Of this week.

I missed work.  I ignored Mr. P's calls.  I ignored life.  I don't think I got up out of bed longer than just enough to make some food and then fall back asleep, thanks to my meds that make me tired.  I popped out of bed at 6am (my eyes were hazy and I thought it was actually 7am) unable to sleep any more, and I decided to brave the day.

Have you ever missed two days of work?  It's unbelievably awkward when you come back.  My boss was short with me.  Staff was short with me.  I was short with everybody.  So much unnecessary stress I caused.  Couldn't I have just gotten out of effin' bed?

I don't think anyone understands that feeling of not being able to do anything for fear you'll fail, be ridiculed, judged, abused, used.....and not just fearing those things, because don't we all have those fears?  But, not wanting or able to leave bed because those horrible things loom in the distant, in the very near, all too near future that is passing with each second that follows the buzz of my alarm clock.

No folks, this ain't poetry.  This is my Monday morning.  This is my Tuesday morning.  This is most mornings.

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