Thursday, November 4, 2010

Will Blog 4 Authenticity

Wedding planning, raising children, holiday parties --these are but a few topics included in some blogs I have read lately. Sometimes I feel sad when I read them; I feel disconnected from what my life should be. I hate the word should. And sometimes I hate those blogs I read. The lives of the writers seem so happy, and perfect, and functional. Then I look at my blog. There I go comparing myself to others; taking account of my gross abnormalities and short-comings.

I've been there. I've had that blog. I've been in love and I've partied with friends and I've written about the same fun times and excitement that life and love and friends can bring. But hidden underneath all of those commonalities was something I tried to ignore and avoid. Mental illness, dysfunctional thinking and behavior, alcohol and drug abuse --I could go on. No amount of words or pictures in a post could negate the fact that I have problems I need to resolve before I can thoroughly and honestly find enjoyment and peace in activities, people, and events.

I should not feel like less of a person because my post today involved depression and medication and disdain for myself, as opposed to wedding dress shopping, my first child's first Halloween, and noting my favorite 2010 fashion trends. The latter just isn't me. And I've tried to rewrite the former and cover it up with every subject I could think to write about, but all it caused was more problems. I can't be phoney; I can't be fake. This doesn't mean every post must be dark and dramatic because my journey involves some "dark" things, but I also can't write about Miley Cyrus's recent MTV performance when I've spent the whole day in bed overcome with anxiety and guilt. I must find a balance; I must remain true to my jourmey.

So, to all you new mom bloggers, to all you newlywed and sorority girl internet authors, to all you wealthy world travelers detailing your adventures on the world wide web, thank you for sharing your journey. And Kristin, stay true to your own.

1 comment:

  1. Beautifully said. You non-judgmental perspective is both refreshing and inspiring.