Sunday, November 21, 2010

Sift and Shift

I am sorting through many things going on in my life.

I am back on the job hunt. I missed work because I drank too much the night before. I feel so stupid! I have really been kicking myself over it the past few days, but God did offer me some grace and I started thinking more clearly and positively today. My hours had been cut and the pay I was receiving was not what my boss/the owner told me during the interview. With those things having happened, and remembering how she had me call Oprah...I'm feeling certain better things are to come. Yes, I messed up and I am reevaluating the role alcohol will play in my life. No, losing this job will not be the end of me.

God: I need You. I need to put you first in my life. What is the one thing I haven't put my whole heart into? Living for Jesus! Rejoicing Him, talking with Him, making Him a part of every decision every day. I prayed to my grandma tonight. I asked her how she did it. I asked how did she get through 80+ years on this earth and leave smiling. Very clearly, I heard an answer - God. I remembered how every time I talked with her or visited her she asked me if I was going to church and if I had friends who went to church. Every Sunday morning her and my grandpa were at church. When I visited them, I went to church, too. God. She put God first, that's how she made it through the depression, a world war, a marriage that lasted almost 50 years, and all of the ups and downs that came in between.

When I put Christ first, I have this vigor about me - I run and write, I build friendships, I smile. Slowly, I get sloppy. As my counselor once said, "I mistake my grounding for being grounded." I must keep going. It takes work putting God first. The world doesn't make it easy. Perhaps alcohol is my nemesis. It's the thing I must conquer in order to be content and at peace with Christ as my center.

Tomorrow is a new day; it's a big day. I have all of the resources I need to be successful. I have transportation, some money in my bank account, my own sanctuary, a college degree. The only resource I really need though is God, and He is close and He is real.

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