Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Power of Prayer

I woke up this morning with the sun shining through my window. I shuttered with disappointment. "I wish it would stay night forever," I thought.

I mustered up enough energy to get into the shower. I hadn't taken one for a few days. I went downstairs to make coffee. My roommate was home. She started asking me about work and bills. I can't tell her I'm in between jobs and battling a nasty bout of depression and anxiety. I used my PR skills to spin my situation into something positive and went upstairs to finish getting ready. I felt a bit of excitement about my professional outfit I put together. I said a prayer and begged the Lord to give me the strength to remain hopeful and strong while on my job search.

I arrived at my dad's and stepmom's to use their computer. The plan was to apply to some jobs online, print out lots of copies of my resume and be on my way. I logged into my email account and got the surprise of a lifetime. A job I really wanted and had applied to a couple months back emailed me. A position opened up and they wanted to know if I was still available. YES I'M STILL AVAILABLE! I immediately called the HR lady, and as I am typing this very moment, an offer letter is being emailed to me.

The power of prayer...wow. Good things happen, I just have to get myself out of bed. I reread through some of my journal entries over the last several months, and I always end up back in this place. I feel depressed and so, so scared to get out of bed and out into the world. The Lord has blessed me with so many resources to make a successful, content life for myself - but still, I lay in bed filled with sadness and fear. I feel guilty for feeling this way. I feel like a failure. I feel like no matter what I do or don't do, the cycle of depression continues.

Lord, please keep depression completely away from my life. No more. I can't take any more days in bed. Lord, I want to live for you, and serve you, and I cannot do this when I feel beaten down. Please strengthen me, Lord. I love You.

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