Tuesday, November 2, 2010

All In All

Today was a good day. No complaints. Well, that's not entirely true. I've got some frustrations, some things I could complain about. But I'm not.

My "frustrations" come from blessings, BLESSINGS. I have two jobs, two jobs that I enjoy and that I am succeeding at. I have bills for a car I love, a car that grants me freedom; a cell phone (an iphone actually) that grants me 24-hour, anytime/anywhere connection to family and friends...and Japan if I felt so inclined; rent, rent for my new place with my own room, a big closet, and a whole bathroom all to myself; responsibilities of caring for my sweet, loyal dog, serving as a good role model to my four younger sisters, and simple human-kind tasks of saying "please" and "thank you" and picking up the occasional stray styrofoam cup floating down the side walk.

Deadlines, due dates, favors, criticism, disagreements, the good and the bad and everything in between. Life. This is life.

We're all trying to get by; we're all trying to be the best "we" that we can be, with the cards we're dealt and the hope in our heart.

Family. Love. Connection. Peace. Laughter.

You can't buy this. You can't put any of this on credit or borrow it from your neighbor up the street. We are born with it, all of it. It's just a matter of realizing it's already yours, and taking true ownership.

All of these sentiments from a girl with a broken past of drug abuse and promiscuity and attempts to end her life after nights of binge drinking; sentiments from a girl who hated herself and the guilt and disgust that came along with being born into a family of sexual abuse and mental illness. Sentiments from a girl who once scribbled "it was never enough" before downing two bottles of pills.

Some have had it better. Many have had it worse. I am one with God, the rest is dust.

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