Monday, October 25, 2010

Yes and Know

We got the duplex! I am very excited, relieved, and thankful. I am looking forward to experiencing the responsibility and joy of having my own place, my own sanctuary....and mostly, my own closet! My, how a girl loves her closet!

I feel hopeful and confident that the new roomie and I will get along. She is getting her master's to become an environmental consultant and right now interns as a park ranger. She is very laid back and earth-friendly, and she has two, yes TWO, boxers. I am staying in the empty bedroom at the house I was going to move in to (which is joy in and of itself!), and my sweet lil' lion man has become quite intrigued in pretending to be a big, tough yorkie who can hang with the big dogs. They all get along quite nicely, and I feel very safe with these gentle giants in the next room.

So last night was my first night staying at the in-between house. I blew up the air mattress I borrowed from a friend and cuddled up with Rowds with lots of pillows all around us. I read a Nouwen imperative and experienced a few moments of contentment and peace. All I have wanted since giving up my apartment and my job (even though I wanted the heck out of both), was my own space. Laying on an air mattress with a book...I felt such gratitude and a stillness in my soul. And...in just a couple of weeks I'll be in my new place.

The one thing that kept going through my mind last night was, "Life is worth living." Giving up has always been an option in the back of my mind. Many times I seriously considered ending my life. I would go weeks at a time researching methods and lethal doses of my medicines I was taking. But...look at how I have found contentment. God is so forgiving, and He is so loving. It's not even a question as to whether or not I can make it through tough times. God is with me. He is my guide. He is my father and He loves me.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so happy to read this! Isn't it a miracle how life changes? Remember this place because someday, times will get tough again and if we remember the lulls, the break in the cloud that God graced us with, we'll know that it's just a bend in the road and not the end of the road.

    ReplyDelete