Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Tuesday's Grace

I stayed home from work today. I feel so guilty. I had a headache and felt really drained. I took two tylenol pm and slept till just after 11am.

Some of my reason for not getting out of bed was emotional. It seemed like such a chore to get up, take a shower, find something to wear, and leave the house on time. I felt a bit of fear - like I couldn't do all these things. I often think "I don't know if I can do this, if I can meet all of the requirements that this day has for me." I feel overwhelmed thinking about the day and all of the things I must do to leave the house in the morning.

What does this mean? Is this a form of anxiety? If so, what kind of anxiety?

Since I got my full time day job, I haven't been popping out of bed in the morning, excited and ready to finally work a full day. I thought I would. I searched and searched to find this job; now that I have it I should be "on my game". But I'm not.

Not going to work is not acceptable. Especially for me. For me who has just begun a new job, for me who is very much in debt, and for me who will be renting a home in a few short weeks.

As unacceptable as it is to miss work, one thing my counselor always talks about is grace. This is definitely a day for grace. Grace to allow myself a slip up, grace to recognize that I need to modify my morning schedule, grace to understand that today is but one day of my journey, and better days are to come.

2 comments:

  1. I think Grace is one of those things we're willing to extend to others but not always to ourselves. I'm glad you're letting yourself off the hook. Enjoy your day and start fresh tomorrow. =]

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