Thursday, September 9, 2010

um...what is this I am feeling?

I woke up for the second day in a row feeling...happy. I had so much fun last night listening to live Texas country - one of my favorite genres of music. A friend from high school (whom I dated for a summer) went to the concert together and had a great time talking about funny memories from 10 years past. And this gets me thinking...

One thing I struggle with is my younger days, especially my teenage years. I feel I didn't belong, and it was a time that my mental and emotional state was crazy (I was living with my mother for goodness sake). I also am not in contact with any of my friends from back in the day, and most of those friendships ended with drama a long time ago. But, somehow, through the magic of facebook, me and this old friend have found ourselves hanging out together and it makes me feel good, like all of those years weren't a complete waste and realizing that I did have some fun times. In 10 years when I'm looking back on the difficult times I am facing and have been facing the last couple of years, will I feel the same? Will I realize that what I am experiencing now wasn't all that bad, and that I actually had some fun? And experienced some happiness? I think I already am...

Now back to this long lost high school summer romance...don't get any ideas. I am NOT interested in starting up any kind of new romantic relationship. But I will admit, it is nice hanging out with a guy who knows a lot about my past and who still wants to spend time with me, and who still thinks I'm a great person. It's reassuring. Is this bad?

Today was a great day also due to the fact that I had another great interview with another great company. I'm feeling excited about my future and getting back on my career track. And with each interview (I've had about 5 the last couple of weeks), I feel more confident in myself and it reminds me of all of my great qualities that I have to offer. Sure, some guy I ran away to live with for a few months at the beach wants nothing to do with me, but big, important corporate leaders think I'm great...so I think I'll keep my mind on their opinions.

I got to my interview very early (still getting used to this big city traffic and how long it takes to get places) and listened to a Joyce Meyer podcast. It was about being confident in who you are through God. It was uplifting and reminded me of who is in charge of all this so-called madness and confusion I am experiencing...He has a plan for my life, so I just need to put Him first in my life and the best of life will follow.

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