Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Today, my journey involves clarity.

In my recent "Eat, Pray, Love" reading, the author talks about her struggle to decide whether or not to take antidepressants. She says that overcoming depression was not pinpointed at this one decision to take antidepressants; rather, it was one choice out of thousands of choices that she made that accumulated into her successful fight against this evil monster.

This gets me thinking about my fight, not just against depression specifically, but against all of my evils. My journey to a better life will take hundreds, thousands even, of teeny, tiny decisions throughout each and every day of my life. Of course there are the big ones, like finding a job. I have interviewed at a handful of companies, and am closer to getting a job by the minute. Once this huge task is checked off of my to-do list, I can focus on making the other tens and hundreds and thousands of decisions that will help me get back on track.

I'm thinking that's why it's so difficult for me to do things some times, like read or run or go to church. Sure, just doing one of these activities once isn't going to "cure" me. It may not even help one bit that day. But over time, all of those little things I choose to do will add up, and eventually I will get to feeling content and at peace. This is where faith comes in...having faith that eventually will transform into now.

This ties in to my counselor's insight on today. What can I do today? How can I love myself today? What positive choice, or choices (if I have enough strength to do more than one thing), can I make today? TODAY. Today, with no thought of how I will feel before I do it, while I'm doing it, or after I do it...but just knowing that doing it is good enough.

Today I read Eat, Pray, Love.
Today I wrote on my blog.
Today I ate two big meals.
Today I picked up my medicine and bought thank-you cards to send off for my interview yesterday.
Today I picked up my sisters from school and ate an after-school snack with them.
Today (okay, I'm cheating a bit because it hasn't yet happened but it will as soon as I hit the "publish post" button), I am putting on a darling dress and going to see one of my favorite local bands with an old friend and two new friends.

No comments:

Post a Comment