Tuesday, September 7, 2010

So, where am I now?

I met with my counselor a few days ago. We talked about the many things involving my new life situation. I'm sad, very sad. I am lost. I have so many raw, negative thoughts and emotions invading my body. I have some pretty good ideas on what to do when my thoughts start getting the best of me, but I don't have the energy or discipline to follow through with any of them.

I spent time with a couple of friends, both guys. I am very untrusting of guys and can't help but wonder if they really care about me or are opportunists looking to pounce on a newly single female. I suppose only time will tell.

I made an attempt to apologize and smooth things over with the old bf, and he dismissed me. So, that's that. The lack of answers will have to be my answer, and maybe it's just meant to be this way. I could not open up to him. He did not support or share my need for spiritual growth. I didn't care for his friends. I didn't care for his way of living or thinking or feeling. We were very incompatible, so it's time to let go. The haters were right, but still haters nonetheless.

I am now in one of the most amazingly fun and free-spirited cities one could possibly be in. If ever there were a place to heal and find myself, it's here. I had an interview today for a job that I really want - a great starting place with so much potential. I really hope I get it. I am praying for this job constantly throughout my day.

I spent some time outdoors yesterday. My emotions switched between enjoyment and unsettled discontent. I know, I mean I KNOW I need to start up my morning jogs. I feel as if I'm a different person when I begin my days with a nice jog.

I have been reading Eat, Pray, Love and have found a friend in the main character, also the writer. We share similar struggles. Also, it's an hour or two in my day where I am not in my mess. I just kind of disappear from it all and receive at least a bit of comfort and peace.

I will begin to find enjoyment, or at least the slightest bit of bare-ability, one day soon...I just don't know what day or how soon.

1 comment:

  1. It seems like every day you are getting more and more clarity re: ex bf. EPL is such a wonderful inspiring story...kinda reminds me of your story ;)