Monday, July 19, 2010

ugh

Do you have any advice?

I'm feeling sad here lately. I think it's due to the "lack of" doing much of anything. I work and I come home. Me and the bf are cooking great meals, but other than that, I'm not doing anything all that enjoyable.

I make plans with myself to run, to write, to read, but I wake up in the morning and just want to go back to bed. I'm not tired, at least not in the normal sense of the word. You could say I'm emotionally tired, drained even. This whole "making my life enjoyable and meaningful" becomes such a struggle at times, every time.

I am doing good and then better and then great, and then I fall backwards. Every time. This is what is so draining.

Lately I've been thinking maybe I just won't ever be truly happy. Maybe I don't deserve it. Maybe I'm just a big joke and don't see myself for the irresponsible, bad person I really am. Part of me thinks this can't be true, and part of me really thinks it is.

I'm having a phone appointment with my counselor sometime in the next few days. Hopefully she will provide some insight. Until then, I'll do what I do best...hang on.

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