Wednesday, May 5, 2010

It's your last chance to turn away.


I have been grieving. I have been grieving a lot. So many memories and regrets have just flooded my mind over the past week. It's all been too much to keep locked up inside, so I've been washing my mind and my heart through writing.

I have written so much, more than ever before. Not a lot of it makes a whole lot of sense. I've basically vomitted my feelings onto a sheet of paper with no care as to punctuation, run-on sentences, subject-verb agreement. These are my feelings, my raw, pain-ridden feelings, and sometimes you just have to let out everything inside of you and clean up the mess later.

And that is what I am working on now, cleaning up the mess and bringing some sense into it all, so that I can share my feelings on my blog. This idea scares me to death. So, I'm here to give you a heads up, to give you one last chance to turn away from my blog never to return again. My writing that I am going to post is depressing, disturbing even. Trust me, I've had to live with these words inside of me for 27 years. But, it is the truth of my feelings, my past, my present, everything.

So go ahead, you can turn away; I won't be upset. But if you stay, please don't judge, please don't assume, please don't think I am some psychotic monster. It's just me, an average human being, turning myself inside out to reveal the pieces that have held me together up until this very moment.

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