Thursday, May 20, 2010

I've found myself where I don't want to be.

It's so hard for me to know what I want right now. I'm in a very confusing place where I am divided between thinking I've come a long way and thinking I haven't come far enough. I'm torn between wanting to keep to myself and continue my reading and writing alone as my entertainment, and going out into the world where I can shine and grow more. I just don't know what it is I should be doing.

And even if I did know, would I be doing it anyways? I don't know what it is holding me back from freedom and happiness. Is it depression? Is it my financial circumstance? Is it me as a person? At the core of me, am I just a bitter, used up specimen of what could have been? I am lost. Again, it never fails - I am lost.

There's happiness all around me. A great guy is interested in me. My office is full of people smiling and wanting to socialize. I am surrounded by inspirational, thought-provoking books, and I have the intelligence to read them and understand. But here I am - lost, sad, and tired.

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