Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Pride from Progress


Yes, I am feeling proud of myself. After a week filled with depression, doubts, and chaos - I am taking steps to make this week better.

Yesterday, I got to work 45 minutes early. I missed two days of work last week because I was overwhelmed with situations I am going through and I felt so drained and full of sorrow. So, I came into work early and immediately got down to business finishing up tasks that were overdue and knocking out everything that was required from the pile of files on my desk. I felt good, like I had redeemed myself to my boss and my team. (Luckily, my boss was patient about my time away from the office.)

I paid my car note, which always feel good. It leaves me broke but feeling responsible. I had to drive a horrible clunker my last year in high school all the way through sophomore year of college. I was so embarassed to be seen in any kind of close proximity to my car, so it feels good having a car I can be proud of. I also do my best to keep it free of trash and random items and smelling great.

Since I work so close to home, I went home during my lunch hour and washed a pile of dishes that had been piling up for a week. I don't have a dishwasher, and I am finding that it's not as bad as I thought it would be. There's something a little bit relaxing about washing dishes - the hot water is gently running....soap a dish, rinse, repeat. Rowdy lazily laid on the kitchen rug watching my every move. And...on a similar note, he got a special treat during my lunch hour - I took him out into the backyard to exhaust some of his energy. We played fetch and enjoyed the sunshine.

After work was my counseling appointment. This is what I was really looking forward to. I was not, however, looking forward to my 3-mile training run with the group afterwards. I got to my appointment early and changed into my running clothes so I wouldn't be tempted to drive home and curl up into bed after my therapy appointment. The appointment went very well, and I was able to talk through a lot of things that were weighing on me. The appointment was coming to a close, and running through my mind were the words, "I don't want to run. I don't want to run." My counselor always ends our session in prayer, and in her prayer she prayed that I have a good run - so then I was thinking, "Well, now there is no excuse not to go!"

I did make it to the group run, and I did quite well. I am having to work my way back into the amazing running shape I was in a year ago. I pushed myself, and felt absolutely, miserably exhausted throughout the run, but I felt good as well. I woke up this morning feeling a little bit sore...which is a sign of progress.

I didn't stop there. I went to a friend's house and borrowed his internet to apply for more jobs and complete a pre-interview project for a copywriting position. I pushed through my exhaustion and did this for almost 3 hours!

I went home and got comfy in bed and read a chapter in Henri Nouwen. I meditated on the words and had some great insight after reading. I jotted down my thoughts in the book. Then...I slept really hard.

Yesterday was a great example of doing what needs to be done despite how I feel.

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