Monday, March 22, 2010

The Good and The Bad

The Good
My Mega-Me (BFF from work) told me the best news ever: Lisa Wingate is coming to speak at Baylor in the upcoming weeks! I am so, very excited to hear her speak and tell her "thank you for awakening the reader inside me".

The Bad
On a not-so-great note, I have not followed through with what I promised to God - I missed church yesterday, and I have not read in the Book of John the last few days. I let my emotions get the best of me, I felt God had abandoned me, and I had a few days where I felt lost. I've had so many thoughts swirling through my head, reminders I have heard from dear friends and passages I remember reading from my bible and other spiritual books.

God has not left you.
Jesus tends to his sheep and he will never let one of his sheep get lost.
God is real no matter how you feel.

Sometimes it feels like life will always be rough, and maybe it will. But it becomes so frustrating when I do what I need to be doing and there are outsiders--struggles, chaos, resentment--pushing and poking and invading my space--my space reserved only for God, and for peace, and for simplicity. It's enough to make me want to scream at the top of my lungs, and maybe I should....just to experience that relief.

What am I doing wrong? I know the Lord moves away from us during some of our toughest times to test us, to see how faithful we will remain to Him. And, I have let Him down. I "took a break" from my spiritual journey because I felt alone, when I should have done the opposite. I should have moved closer to God, read two chapters a day in my bible, prayed, meditated, and prayed some more. But I didn't. And, for this Lord, I am very sorry.

The Good
Jesus loves me, and he forgives me, and he gave me today to enjoy his fruits. I will begin reading my bible again tonight...meditate on his word...and pray.

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